Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory for over a Decade!
Patrick Kroupa is a professional garbage-collection technician. He has approximately
800 years of community service left to perform, which he accepted in lieu of
additional prison time. He can be found most days collecting refuse in public
parks, the parking lots of seedy low-rent motels, and various methadone clinics.
In his copious spare time he occasionally writes words, strings them into sentences,
and forms paragraphs; sometimes these are even coherent. Patrick's hobby is
collecting molecules and attaching them to receptors, namely his own. He has
successfully impersonated law-enforcement officers, medical professionals, and
-- on occasion -- a human being. In order to make some cash he moonlights doing
that neuroscience type thing, wherein he visits morgues and ME's, rips off people's
faces, saws through their skulls, and removes brains. Patrick has not been arrested
for criminal possession of controlled substances with intent to distribute,
in more than 2 years.
Bruce is a former male model and catering expert, who found himself pulled
out of the glamourous and exciting world of anonymous porno billing when those
terrorist people bent on Jihad, slammed planes into the World Trade Center --
which proceeded to keel over and bury many adjacent buildings in rubble; including
DuoCash world headquarters -- who woulda thunk . . . Cast adrift in the harsh
glare of reality, he has turned his attentions to MindVox because it beats dealing
with his real issues. Bruce is an accomplished author who has written many fairy
tales for adults in the "Business Plan" genre. Some of these epic fantasies
have been startlingly popular and profitable. Off the top of his head, he can
list more than 25 reasons why Black Label Armani is superior to, well, everything
on the whole entire planet. He is not a raging alcoholic.
Drew is a brilliant visionary and talented artist; which is a nice way of saying
he's an unemployed drug addict. He has created campaigns, brands, and online
presence for Disney, Macy's, Levi's, Dockers, L'oreal, Diner's Club, Snapple,
Hughes, RGA, DirecTV, and Timothy Leary -- among others. Less than 50% of his
former clients have had contracts put out on his life. The azimuth of his professional
career was working for WebTV -- a wholly owned subsidiary of Micro$oft which
is not allowed to go bankrupt -- where it took them nearly 1.5 years to figure
out that all he did was smoke crack and play video games. He has been personally
sued by Disney, because they had some sort of crazy problem with his inclusion
of the WackyCrackHeads into the Toy Story web site. Drew is the high priest of
the Church of JesusCrackHead. He occasionally draws Things and Stuff.
Evan is an excellent technical type person, who is highly skilled at Making
Things Go. After successfully finding the power buttons and making sure most
of the equipment was actually plugged in, at an Australian ISP run by non-technically
oriented alcoholics, he was ready for the big time and became one of the first
employees at MindVox FC; where he probably did something or another, it's hard
to say. From there Evan went on to Bigger and More Profitable things, living
the dot.com dream. At Skycache/Cidera during the glory days, his technical talent
allowed the marketing department to lead the company to a resounding victory
-- whatever it is/was that they did -- generating nearly $500,000 revenue in
a single year, while burning through a negligible 95.5 million to accomplish
this. Sadly, due to adverse market conditions, a harsh economic climate, and
terrorist attacks on the American way of life; Evan finds himself trapped in
a world not of his making, where it is no longer acceptable to lump cocaine,
nitrous oxide and hookers, under the "office supplies" category, and people
who give you jobs have some communist and un-American notion that you're actually
supposed to do something. While Evan is not a drug-addict -- he's younger than
most of us, and has plenty of time to build up to it -- the fact that he chooses
to spend his days working on MindVox is obviously a Warning Sign that he has
a high degree of presently undiagnosed psychopathology. Probably -- at best
-- Evan has 5 years before he's on skid row, in a rehab, or sitting in a cell
somewhere.
Steve has personally worked with God, which is to say that Other Steve; this
makes him a minor deity at the very least. He was an engineer at NeXT back when
they still made The Cube -- spoken in tones of hushed reverence and awe -- and
had The Factory, "Nooooooo! I want sand in one end, computer out the other.
Plus, also, it must NEVER be touched by human hands and fully assembled by robots,
fuck the labor unions. Noooooo! It's not pretty enough, fast enough, or PERFECT!
If you don't Fix Everything by 8am, all of you will be beheaded -- I meant to
say FIRED!" Although NeXT was Absolutely Correct about, well, nearly everything;
sadly, as with many technologies and ideas which are brilliant and ahead of
their time, it lost the battle with the mediocrity of consensual reality and
was eventually acquired by Apple, where Steve became a Senior Systems Engineer
(Quirk, not Jobs -- Jobs was the prodigal son and went back to being Supreme
Ruler of All he Surveyed. Exhibits A-Z the whole entire iMacs on crack "flavor"
series). On the downward spiral from Art to Business, Steve implemented E-Commerce
sites for MusicBoulevard.com, PersonalWealth.com and NHL.com; eventually
hitting bottom, by designing and creating large-scale trading systems for leading
Wall St. firms. Steve is at MindVox because we have a lotta shit on him, and
are blackmailing him -- I meant to say, he believes in the purity of our vision,
and wants to redeem his soul. If anything here ever, even partially works, some
of the time; it's probably his fault.
The central staff at MindVox combine lifetime experience with
serious poly-substance abuse problems; an almost complete lack of any common
sense whatsoever; and long-term expertise in professional corporate mismanagement.
Despite close-calls with the judicial system, a trail of wrecked
companies, relationships and apartments, strewn in their wake, and a combined
stacked-deck of dysfunction and psychological problems which light up a DSM-IV
like a Christmas Tree; as of this writing anyway -- everyone has managed to
survive their life.
MindVox is made possible by 842 of Thomas Dell's Karmic
Units
